Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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