I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize