thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
