Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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