I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
