I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
