Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
