sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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