went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
