I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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