You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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