We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize