Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
