He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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