Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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