I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
