we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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