She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
