Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
