I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you win again, gameday.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
