im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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