i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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