Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
