dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
