So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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