you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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