insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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