he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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