I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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