he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He shit in the fireplace
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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