if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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