Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
