just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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