It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
