hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize