you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
