Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
