I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
