If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
