We named our party play list daddy issues
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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