Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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