mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
