Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize