Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
