It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am naked and annoyed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
