I am spending my child support on dildos
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
