R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
