Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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