So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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