i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
