every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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