At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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