forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
