she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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