It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
