Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...

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(213): View more from California

How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.

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(469): View more from Texas

It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.

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(903): View more from Texas

I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.

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(775): View more from Nevada

You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.

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(775): View more from Nevada

she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever

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(614): View more from Ohio

You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...

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