If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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