So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
