Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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