I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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