you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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