I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
