PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize