Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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