I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's always time for handjobs
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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