Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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