If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
