I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
