yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
