his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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