My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
True college students do jello shots in the library
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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