I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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