haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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