I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
