White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize