life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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